This Art Grows Like Trees
It took me four years to return to my creative work.
Cooperations with galleries and art consultants did not turn out as expected. The pro art field burnt me out. I lost myself in the process and I had huge difficulties to find back to my initial thoughts and drive.
What makes us follow a creative path? If your work is to reflect your in depth approach, it’s not about the money. And I found out it’s not about social status either. Although I did miss this piece of the puzzle when I had to cut back because I accompanied my mother while battling her cancer and did hold her hand while she died. And I missed social status while battling my own chronic illness which finally made me realize I would never be able to return to pro art system, even if I wanted to.
For about three years I stopped painting completely. I was afraid of having not enough money to make a living and I was afraid of no longer existing as a pro artist.
And then, something magical happened. I started joining Amie McNees inspired collective where we as artists talked a lot about inner processes and the creative life in general.
We do spend so much time on our own, working in the creative field that we have to be masters of our inner experience, our thoughts and our mind. Nobody talks about that. I found out I was not properly trained for this life long journey. I did not know how to give myself permission to protect my way of being and my working structures. Not only did I not respect what I had created over the years, I very seldom did back my own decisions and my authority. I had to start all over again. It took me a long time to return home to my personal power and artistic calling.
Initially I was interested in creating a better place for myself and the people consuming my art. I found out that I formerly had created stockpiles of life energy and sources of calmness, insights and reflection. The moment I felt creative burnout take over, my original calling ended because I no longer had the energy I needed to create this sort of artistic work. It was a complicated and long way to recovery. I realized I had compromised all my former ideals and beliefs in order to make it into the gatekeepers pro world. It was difficult to work as long on my projects as I needed. I was not to concentrate on one single object as long as it took me to charge the work with the necessary power. I got in trouble because of the projects that did call my name. My color choices were questioned. I lost touch. I tried to speed up the process, without success.
Starting out, my work always showed moments, like film stills, of perfect calmness, peace and self reflection. Without knowing I was constantly chasing this calm and quiet place of utopia we all long for and now even more long for then we ever have. The quickening has taken over. All our striving pools in energetic, social status achieving and adrenaline activating goals. The rush is our game. The constant fear of missing out on something our best friend. Meditation and mental practices will not save us from falling for the wrong lovers. We have to come home. We have to find peace and calmness on a daily basis within ourselves. We have to become the master of our internal monologue and longings. We have to provide ourselves with energy and life purpose. We have to be our own bodyguard. Life is breathing. Life is the bravery to slow down. Life is caring for our central nervous system. We have to dare to join a silent revolution. We, the rebels who refuse to join the quickening and betray their most important values in life.
The work I am willing to dedicate my life to is a time capsule of life energy, insight, contemplation and strength. These moments are rare and hard to find. I now do understand the quote of the German singer / songwriter Rainhard Mey who stated, very early in his career, that he needed at least three to four years to release a new album, because he had to „live“ what he did write about. This sort of deep felt art refuses to be utilized. This art grows like trees. In its very own rhythm and it does not give in to commercial necessities. It’s its own master. These time capsules carry our most valuable experiences and times in life. They carry meaning, calmness and truth. They are the essence of everything. They are our wisdom & our legacy to generations to come. With this kind of work we leave our personal thumbprint. And they provide the people who support our work with the most valuable we have - with our personal life energy and life time. We have to back this sort of art & commitment, as we are towers of truth and calm in an ever speeding world around us.
This is my personal journey back to the things I love most. This is me unlocking the power in my creative practice I once felt. This is me providing you with the paintings of eternity. I do not care if art historians approve my artistic approach. I don’t care if colleagues agree. This is my journey and my life, my calling. This is all I do care about. I invite you to join me on this trip and protect the most important values in life we do have.
